JEWISH BETROTHAL (ESPOUSAL) AND MARRIAGE CUSTOMS

          In Jewish marriages in Jesus’ day (5 BC to 30 AD) there were very definite rules and a definite pattern required for legal marriages.

1. The parents of the groom would pick a suitable bride for him. (If both parents were dead, a “friend” or other relative would arrange the marriage. Sometimes the parents of the woman would seek a husband for their daughter, but this was very rare.) The bridegroom and bride were not usually asked their consent, and such marriages could be arranged long before either party was ready for marriage. 

There were a few stipulations for a suitable bride and groom:

1. Both MUST be Jewish, except in certain specifically prescribed cases.

2. Bride must be unmarried (a virgin or a widow). (By Jesus’ day polygamy was not practiced by Jews.)

3. If the two were related by blood, they could be no closer than first cousins.

4. A suitable groom must prove sufficient means to support a wife and children. For this reason it was not uncommon for men to postpone marriage until after age 30 when they were established in a business or trade, or had received their inheritance. The women usually married quite young, normally as soon as their domestic education had been finished and they had gone through puberty, 16 or 17 years being about average (they went through puberty later than girls do now).

2. The man would pay the father a suitable price for the bride, unless he was marrying a widow.

3. The betrothal (espousal) contract was agreed upon (an oral agreement) and the tokens exchanged (price of the bride given and acceptance tokens received).

4. The marriage ceremony was held, and a marriage feast followed. During the ceremony, rings were usually exchanged. Even from very ancient times, a ring symbolized fidelity.

5. After the betrothal ceremony and feast a period of separation was strictly observed. The length of time was set in the espousal contract, but by Jesus’ time custom dictated the following: in the case of a virgin, the separation was for one year and for a widow it was usually a month. During the separation period, the bride and groom could have no contact and could not speak to each other except through an intermediary called the “friend of the bridegroom.”

6. During the separation period they were considered fully married and any infidelity was considered adultery, which was punishable by death (stoning). The long period in the case of a virgin was two-fold. It gave them time to make sure she could not already be pregnant by another man and it proved their dedication to each other. During this time the man could write the bride a bill of divorce if he found anything “unseemly” in her. (See Lev. 24: 1, 2.) She would then be free to marry another man.

7. At the end of the separation period the bride was bedecked in white finery, jewels, and perfume. The groom, dressed in his best clothes and taking several companions with him, went to the bride’s house and transported her back to his house. At his house a feast was prepared and celebrations continued for one or two weeks.

8. At the end of the celebrations a special canopy was set up in the groom’s chamber and both bride and groom were carried to the nuptial canopy. The friends went home and the marriage was finally consummated. Until the consummation, the bride was always heavily veiled.

9. The details of each marriage were more or less elaborate based on the incomes of the families involved. Married men were excused from military service and all other community duties for the first year of marriage.